IN FRATERNAM MEAM: I AM BACK AGAIN

IN FRATERNAM MEAM

Friday, August 13, 2004

I AM BACK AGAIN

I have returned from my trip to Manila, and i was so relieve to have come and see my kid brother while i still have the chance. He was in and out of the hospital and like a little boy, he told me to accompany him back to the hospital for his chemo. Indeed I went with him and have to see the pain that my kid brother has to undergo to prolong his life and ease that pain in his body.

I have told him, that I have never seen a braver person than seeing him undergo such treatment. He was so scared of those needles which is like the ones that is used by the vet for the horses and big animals.

During the time the whole thing is being set up-- it has to be on his veins, and he was so thin and it is so hard to see the needles being injected into those small veins of his. finally it was inserted, the chemo started thru the IV and this is again another pain for him. I kept on telling him to look at me not the needles. i was holding his hands and told him to press my hands deeper if it is so painful for him. which he did. not a sound from him, but i know inside him, the pain is unbearable. then the doctors has to cover th IV bottle with purple colored cloth material including the line to his vein, because the medicine is ultra sensitive to bright lights.

it took four ampules of morphine for him to calm down. the doctor is telling me that he is beginning to reject it in small amount. so a bigger dosage has to be given to him.

when he started to calm down and fallen into sleep and quiet slumber, i went to the reception room of his hospital suite and started to cry my heart out. i cannot show it to him, but i have to get it out of my chest the pain and compassion for this kid brother of mine. when he was asking me to help and stop the pain, it kept on coming back and resound in my ears and in my mind. GOD.... WHY DOES HE HAVE TO SUFFER IN SO MUCH PAIN.

our family doctor is the staff of this hospital in manila,(i cannot give the name, in case my criticism will hurt the hospital) so we have to check him in to this hospital ever since he had the problem. it is nice to have a good doctor attached to a well established hospital in manila, but it is also good to have money available so that the service will be impeccable. the running balance is already in millions of pesos. i kept on asking myself, what if a sick person does not know any doctor and does not have any money to spend--- where will that person go, and how can his illness be remedied or cured for him.

because of so much friends coming to visit my brother at the hospital, we have to get him the biggest room in the hospital. it has its own, living room and kithenette, a big bathroom with separate toilet and bath and a spacious room for him overlooking the hustle and bustle outside where the metro train is running up and own and discharging its passenger along taft ave and un ave. it makes his mind active and occupied.

i had given a sarcastic remark to one of the housekeeping staff of the hospital when i was asking for a foot stool for my brother. the bed is so high, and with plenty of contraptions, my brother needed the foot stool. the dumb bitch told me if it get lost, we will pay for it. i told her, by the mere fact we can afford to pay 3,000.00 pesos a day for the room and was able to pay the surgery and upkeep of my brother to almost five million pesos, i am sure we will be able to pay for the foot stool that is rusted for another few hunderd of pesos.i called the nurse station and told the head nurse that i dont want the dumb bitch to come to the room and change my brother's beddings. we are paying big bucks, so we have to get the best service that is available. then i went out to the eatery across from the hospital and ordered food to feed a battallion from Chow King. i ordered it delivered, and ordered the security at the ground floor be given individual boxes for each guard on duty at the door, one for each nurses at the nurse station, one for each resident/student doctor that comes in and out of my brother's room. suddenly everybody that i passed by has all the smiles in their faces with their teeth showing(even not so white) everytime i pass by.

i told my kid brother, that i will be back again with my wife,first week of october to see him again. and onboard the airplane, i kept on thinking of him... his pain... his sufferings...his family that he will leave behind and most of all my parents who are already past 80 years of age. i was looking at the clouds ouside the plane and i did not know there are tears in my eyes already streaming down my cheek, until my wife wiped it for me.

posted by infraternam meam @ 1:32 AM

1 Comments:

At 7:34 AM, Kiwipinay said…

kuyang, very touching naman ito. i can almost feel how you feel having almost the same situation with my eldest brother before. the only difference is, you are able to talk to your brother coz he is conscious. my brother was on comatose with all those tubes and pacemaker attached to him.

pero tama ka dun sa napaka-inggrata na hospital staff ha? dapat sinumbong mo na management. besides, dapat lahat ng rooms may foot stool di ba?

pero it does pay to have money sa pinas. kung mahirap ka lang, mamamatay kang dilat talaga.

my prayers are with your brother. sana, malampasan nya lahat ng ito at magkita-kita pa kayo ulit sa october. be strong.