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IN FRATERNAM MEAM
Thursday, July 29, 2004
101 THINGS I WISH I KNEW WHEN I GOTMARRIED(Simple lessons to make Love Last)
(abstracted from the book of the same title by: Linda and Charlie Bloom)

1. Gret ralationship don't just happen; they are created.

2. Vulnerability is disarming.

3. If your job gets your best energy, your marriage will wither.

4. One of the greatest gifts you can give to your partner is your own happiness.

5. There's a difference between judging and being judgemental.

6. It's possible to hate and love someone at the same time.

7. When you complaing about your partner to your friends, remember that their feed
back is based on distorted information.

8. The only rules in a marriage are those to which you both choose to agree.

9. Commitment is'nt a prison; it's a means to greated freedom.

10. It is'nt conflict that destroys marriages; it's the cold smoldering resentment that is bread with witholding.

11. If you choose monogamy; keep your agreement.

12. It's not what you've got; it's what you do with it.

13. Even good marriages have recurring seasons, and there can be some hard winters.

14. Your primary relationship is with your partner, not your children.

15. If you think you'e too good for your partnet, think again.

16. Growing up in a happy family does not ensure a good marriage, and growing up in an unhappy family doen't preclude having one.

17. It's never too late to repair damaged trust.

18. Secrets are lies.

19. Sex can improve with age.

20. If you're keeping pace with the people around you, you're proabably
moving too fast.

21. If you can't be happy without your partner, you won't be happy together.

22. Marriage is like a yoga.

23. The prince isn't going to come.

24. Getting help when you are unable to work tjhings out is'nt a sign of weakness; it's a sign of intelligence.

25. One person, no matter how much they love you, cannot meet all of your
emotional needs.

26. Love isn't always enough to sustain a marriage.

27. True intimacy can exist only between equals.

28. The real issue is usually not the one you're arguing about.

29. Love isn't just a feeling; it's an action that shows our caring.

30. Expectations set us up for resentments.

31. Arguments dcan't be avoided, but destructive ones can.

32. One of the greatest gifts we can give our partner is our focused attention.

33. Even people with great marriages sometimes wonder whether they might have married the wrong person.

34. Your partner cannot rescue you from unhappiness, but they can help you
to rescue yourself.

35. The cost of a lie is far greater than any advantage you gain from speaking it.

36. Even the best marriages have irreconcilable differences.

37. Your opinion is not the truth.

38. Vacations are necessities, not luxuries.

39. Trust takes years to establish and moments to destroy.

40. Ultimatums and threats do ore harm than good.

41. Guilt tripping won't get you what you really want.

42. Give what you want to receive.

43. Don't neglect your friends just because you've acquired a spouse.

44. If you think, "You're not the person I married", you're probably right.

45. Resisting the temptation to prove your point will win a lot of points.

46. What you judge in your partner is a reflection of what you judge in yourself.

47. Your partner is your teacher and your student.

48. Commitment is not a one time event; its an ongoing process.

49. Generosity of spirit is the foundation of great relationships.

50. If your partner is being defensive, you may be giving them reason to be.

51. Marriage isnt 50/50 its 100/100.

52. Trust can be rebuilt, even after the painful betrayal, but it may
require hard work.

53. You can pay now or you can pay later, but the later you pay, themore penalties and interest you accrue.

54. The cheap thrill you get from putting down your partner is'st so cheap.

55. Marriage does require sacrifice, but what you stand to gain is infinitely
greater that what you give up.

56. Good sex doesn't necessarily make a marriage great, but it sure helps.

57. Forgiveness isn't a one-time event; its a process.

59. Even the tiniest spark can reignite the fire of love.

60. Marriage alone does not make you a better person, but accepting its
challenges does.

61. Creating a great marriage generally takes more time and effort than it
seems it should.

62. Creating marriage is like launching a rocket; once it clears the pull of gravity; it takes much energy to sustain the flight.

63. Being attracted to someone else does'nt diminish teh quality of your marriage; acting on that attraction does.

64. A successful marriage has more to do with how you deal with your current
reality that what you experiences in the past.

65. In order for it to thrive, love reauires separateness as well as togetherness.

66. We all have a terminal diagnosis.

67. Don't keep feelings of gratitude to yourself.

68. Knowing where your lines are and being willing to draw them serves your partner as well as yourself.

69. You don't have to be able to love well to get married; the training occurs
on the job.

70. Privacy won't hurt your marriage, but secrecy will.

71. Possessiveness and jealousy are born out of fear not love.

72. Facing your fears builds strength; avoiding them diminiss it.

73. Authenticity is contageous and habit forming.

74. Don't say anything about your partner that you're not willing to say to them.

75. Your reatest weakness can become your greatest strength.

76. Of all of the benefits of marriage, the greatest is the possibility
of using this realtionship to become a more loving person.

77. If yiour partners thinks something is important, it is!

78. Marraiges never outgrow the need for romance.

79. The sparkle of a new relationship is always temporary.

80. There is violence in silence when it's used as a weapon.

81. There's a difference between sex and intimacy.

82. It's better to focus on what you can do to make things right than on what your
partner did to make things wrong.

83. The fire of infatuation has to cool before mature love can develop.

84. Nothing deadens sexual desire faster than unresovled differences.

85. The biggest risk is in not risking.

86. If you think marriage counseling is to expensive, try divorce.

87. Forgiveness is its won reward.

88. Revenge is it's own punishment.

89. When two hearts are connected, the bigger problems become workable;
when they are not, the smallest difficulties seem insumountable.

90. Constructive criticism generally isn't.

91. The capacity to feel joy grow in proporion to the
capacity to exprerience the pain.

92. There is no greater eloquence than the silence of real listening.

93. External conflicts are often outer expressions of internal ones.

94. One of the greatest questions you can ask your partnent is,
"How may I best Love You."

95. There's more to be gained by understanding your partner's world
than trying to get them to understand yours.

96. A loving marriage can heal old emotional wounds more effectively
than thebest theraphy.

97. Just keep talkin.

98. Assumptions are fine, as long as you check them out before acting them.

99. Marraiges can stay fresh over time.

100. Intentions may not be the only thing, but it's the most important thing.

101. The amount of joy and fulfillment available in a loving partnership
is considerably more than you can imagine.









posted by infraternam meam @ 3:40 AM  
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Name: infraternam meam
Home: Chicago, United States
About Me: I am now at the prime of my life and have been married for the past 25 years. Sickly at times, but wants to see the elixir vita, so that I will be able to see my grandchildren from my two boys.
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