IN FRATERNAM MEAM: AN OPEN LETTER TO GOD

IN FRATERNAM MEAM

Monday, June 07, 2004

AN OPEN LETTER TO GOD

DEAR GOD,

WHEN I WAS 10 YEARS OLD, THE FIRST THING THAT I HAVE SEEN IN MY YOUNG LIFE ARE THE FACES OF THE FRANCISCAN CAPUCHIN MONKS WITH THEIR BEARD ON THEIR FACES AT ST. ANTHONY CHURCH. I HAVE SERVED IN THE MASSES, NOVENAS, BAPTISMS, WEDDINGS, CONFIRMATIONS AND ALSO BLESSING OF THE DEAD, VISITATION OF THE SICK AND HAVE WITNESSED SO MANY EXTREME UNCTION UNTIL DEATH OF SO MANY PEOPLE.

I COME HOME WITH THE SMELL OF THE INCENSE IN MY HAIR AND MY CLOTHES. DURING THE PROCESSION, I AM WALKING WITH THE PRIEST WITH THE HOLY WATER. MY BOYHOOD WAS ALL DEVOTED TO YOU. WHEN I FINISED HIGH SCHOOL, I ENTERED THE SEMINARY, AT AN EARLY AGE OF 18, I WAS IN YOUR HOUSE OF FORMATION LEARNING MORE ABOUT YOU AND UNDERSTANDING ALL THE MERITS ABOUT WHAT YOU HAVE LEFT YOUR APOSTLES AND THE TEACHING THAT YOU HAVE IMPARTED TO THEM. I HAVE LEARNED RIGIROUSLY THE MANY PRAYERS INSIDE THE SEMINARY. AT THE EARLY TIME OF 4:30 AM WE HAVE TO WAKE UP TO KNEEL IN PRAYER IN YOUR GLORY. I HAVE STUDIED ALL THE MANY CHRISTIAN VIRTUES THAT YOU HAVE IMPARTED, THE ESCHATOLOGICAL ASPECT OF THE CHURCH, THE MANY CHURCH WRITINGS IN LATIN AND IN GREEK. THE MANY TREATIES AND MANY DEBACLE ABOUT YOU AS THE OMNIPOTENT AND THE MOST MAJESTICAL IN THE WHOLE WORLD. I WAS LEARNING THESE ON BENDED KNEES INSIDE YOUR HOLY CHURCH DAY IN AND DAY OUT.

I HAVE NEVER QUESTIONED ALL THE SUFFERINGS, ALL THE FRUSTRATIONS THAT COMES INTO OUR LIVES. WHO ARE WE TO QUESTION YOU, YOU ARE THE MOST HIGH.

MY YOUNGER BROTHER, WHO IS THE THIRD OLDER AMONG THE THREE BROTHERS OF EIGHT IN THE FAMILY, HAD LIVER PROBLEM. HE HAD CHYMO THERAPHY ON AN EXPERIMENTAL DRUG HERE IN THE STATES.

I NEVER QUESTIONED YOU BECAUSE THIS BROTHER OF MINE DID SOMETHING WRONG WHEN HE WAS YOUNG THAT DAMAGE HIS LIVER. HE SURVIVED BECAUSE MY SISTER IN LAW SAID SHE WAS ON HER BENDED KNEES TO YOU, BEGGING YOU TO SPARE HIM FOR HIS TWO CHILDREN.

YOU GAVE ME A VERY HARD AND SEVERE THYROID PROBLEM, WHICH IS TOXIC AND DIFFUSED AND COMPLICATED SOME OF MY VITAL ORGANS, AND NOW I AM EVEN HAVE DIABETES II, HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE, MY EYES IS FALTERING,MY EMOTIONS AND MY CHOLESTEROL WENT UP.

I HAVE NEVER QUESTIONED YOU.

LAST YEAR, I HAD PAIN IN MY UPPER SIDE OF MY JAW, AND MY DENTAL SURGEON THOUGT IT WAS (TMJ) "TEMPRORO MANDIVULAR JAWBONE" PROBLEM. THE PAIN IS UNBEARABLE, ESPECIALLY AT NIGHT. I THEN WENT TO A NEUROLOGIST LAST MONTH AND I WAS TOLD THAT I HAVE A RARE DISEASE AND I WAS ONE AMONG THE LUCKY ONES WHO HAD IT, AND THE SPECIALIST SAID THIS IS THE MOST PAINFUL AILMENT A PERSON COULD HAVE IN HIS LIFE. HE TOLD ME I HAVE (STN) "SEVER TRIGEMINAL NEURALGIA". THE PAIN IS UNBEARABLE, WHEREIN I BECAME SUICIDAL ONE TIME WHEN I CANNOT BEAR THE PAIN.

I NEVER QUESTIONED YOU.

TODAY, MY YOUNGEST BROTHER AMONG THE THREE OF US, IS NOW IN THE HANDS OF A SURGEON. AS I AM TYPING THIS BLOG, HE IS IN THE HANDS OF A SURGEON FOR MORE THAN 10 HRS NOW. THEY ARE REMOVING HIS CANCER OF THE ESOPHAGIAL TRACT. MY ELDEST SISTER WAS TELLING ME THIS AFTERNOON, THAT BEFORE HE WENT INTO SURGERY THIS MORNING, MY KID BROTHER, WITH HIS TWO HANDS, WAS HOLDING THE HANDS OF THE SURGEON AND BEGGING HIM TO EXTEND HIS LIFE FOR HIS TWO KIDS. THIS KID BROTHER OF MINE HAS UNDERGONE SO MANY HARDSHIP IN LIFE. HE GOT MARRIED AND YOU GAVE HIM A SON WHO IS AUTISTIC AND A DAUGHTHER WHO IS A LITTLE BIT SLOW. BUT THIS KID BROTHER OF MINE TOOK IT WITH NO QUALMS AND NO COMPLAINTS. HE RAISED HIS TWO KIDS AS A NATURAL ASIT IS.

THIS NOON TIME MANILA TIME, MY SISTER TOLD ME THAT THE SURGEON HAS TO STOP AND REST FOR A WHILE, THEY HAVE BEEN OPERATING MY BROTHER FOR ALMOST FIVE HOURS. I WAS TOLD THE SURGERY WILL BE MORE THAN TEN HOURS AND ANOTHER FIVE HOURS RECOVERY PERIOD.

THE CANCER HAS NOW TOUCHED PART OF HIS LUNGS. THE DOCTORS SAID IF THEY CANNOT REMOVED IT AND CANNOT ARREST IT, THEY WILL JUST SUBJECT MY YOUNGEST BROTHER INTO COBALT TREATMENT AND CHEMOTHERAPHY.

THIS TIME I WILL QUESTION YOU GOD------ WHY MY YOUNGEST BROTHER, WHO IS THE SLOWEST AMONG ALL OF US. THE MOST INNOCENT AND SO CHILD LIKE IN HIS WAY OF THINKING AMONG ALL OF US.

WHY DO YOU HAVE TO DO THIS TO MY YOUNGEST BROTHER?????AM I TO THINK THAT YOU ARE ENJOYING THE SUFFERING OF YOUR CHILDREN?????? AM I TO THINK THAT OUR MISERIES WILL GAIN FAVOR TO YOU?????? THIS KID BROTHER OF MINE HAS A FAMILY, SHOW YOUR LOVE AND COMPASSION TO HIM, HE IS NOT ASKING TOO MUCH FROM YOU, HE JUST WANT TO LIVE AND SEE HIS CHILDREN GROW UP.

IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK THAT YOU LOOK UPON HIM AND SPARE HIM???? WILL IT BE SINFUL TO ASK FROM YOU, TO CHALLENGE YOU, TO INSISTS YOU OF YOUR LOVE AND YOUR KINDNESS TO YOUR CREATRURE???? SHOW MY KID BROTHER YOUR LOVE AND COMPASSION, HE NEEDS YOU NOW!!!!!! IF YOU CANNOT SPARE HIM, GIVE HIM REST AND NOT PAIN, DONT LET HIM SUFFER, DONT LET HIM BE YOUR CREATURE OF MISERY.......

I LOVE MY BROTHER, CAN YOU NOT GIVE HIM THIS THING THAT WE ASK OF YOU?????GIVE US AND ESPECIALLY MY KID BROTHER YOUR PROTECTION.......

OF GOD------ WE NEED YOU NOW.............

FOR TEN YEARS I WAS INSIDE THE HOUSE OF FORMATION, LEARNING ABOUT YOU, UNDERSTANDING YOU AND ALL YOUR TEACHING. MY AGE OF PUBERTY WAS INSIDE YOUR HOUSE OF FORMATION. I LEFT YOU AND FOLLOWED THE MARITAL LIFE.MY RECTOR TOLD ME, YOU HAVE CHOSE THIS PATH OF LIFE FOR ME AND I SHOULD FOLLOW IT.

I NEVER COMPLAINED.

YOU GAVE ME TWO BOYS, THEY HAVE TURNED OUT TO BE GOOD AND LOVING. I HAVE A WIFE YOU HAVE BEEN GOOD TO ME AND NOW WE WILL BE COUNTING OUR 25TH YEAR OF MARRIAGE THIS 12 OF JUNE.

ALL OF THESE ARE ALL BECAUSE OF YOU.

I COME NOW TO YOU ASKING YOU TO SPARE MY KID BROTHER....LET HIS SURVIVE THE ORDEAL, SHOW US YOU MERCY AND COMPASSION.

IS IT TOO MUCH OF US TO ASK FROM YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.

posted by infraternam meam @ 2:19 AM

1 Comments:

At 7:51 AM, Anonymous said…

There are things in life that we question a lot. But little do we realize that answers come when we stop asking.. In life trials don’t come to make us fall, but rather to look more to God to call.
Trials don’t serve as keys to hate, but rather as doors to greater faith.
We have no right to question God when SORROW comes and we cannot always understand God’s will but we know He has plans.
Kuya Mel, God loves you and your family. He will surely listens, understands and know the hopes and fears you keep in your heart, for when you TRUST in His love-- Miracles happen….
Rubyred.