IN FRATERNAM MEAM

IN FRATERNAM MEAM

Wednesday, October 22, 2003

MI HIJOS/ MI AMORES
================
(my sons/my love)

it was tuesday morning at around noon time. i was off from work, my eldest son came to the house from his condo/apt to visit and chit chat with me. we talk for some time. i asked him about school and about work. his intentions in life and the many plans he wanted to accomplish. my eldest son has so much in his mind. he told me that first thing he wanted to see is that i am healthy so that i cud see his children. he told me he wanted to get married between the age of 28 or 29. i told him i might be dead by the time he could have grandchidlren for me.

he sat down besides me and told me, "don't worry old man, you will live longer, cuz your a tough person to deal with".

then this 5'11" kid, well built with muscles and all, sat down on my lap, told me how much he loved me and kissed my forehead and then said goodbye and said he has to go to work.

i wanted to tell him, "can you sit a little longer", and "can you tell me again how much you love me". i wanted to hold him more closer and longer and tell him how much i love him too, but -- he has so many plans in life.

i did not know i was choking, i did not know i was crying. i miss my boy very much. i know he loves me very much - - but i want to tell it in his ears, just like when he was a small boy - - MI HIJO -- MI AMOR.....MY SON -- MY LOVE... i was crying, all by myself, alone in the dining room where my eldest son left me. i was in tears -- i miss my son...MI HIJO-- MI AMORE....

next day, i was about to go out to go to the library, which i always do during my days off. i have encountered my youngest son, just walked in from school. he is now a freshman in college. greeted me, "what's up pop?" i told him i was going to the library. i started cleaning his bedroom. we tried to chit chat a little bit. we talked about school and i told him out of the blue - - if anything happens to me, it will always be his mother first before anything else, and he has to follow all the things his brother has to tell him.

he told me not to talk like that-- this big kid, a full blown 19 years old of a young man, a football player, grab me and hug me. without saying anything. then he told me "it's ok dad, i will take care of my room, just go to the library".

inside the car, on the way to the library, i tried to look back at the time when this youngest son of mine is growing up. i did not know he would grow up like a giant of a man. having a hard time entering his room in the basemnet. tall for his age and tall for his ethnic origin. robust , a big teen-ager for his filipino parentage.

i was smiling inside my car and was saying to myself "MI HIJO - - MI AMORE"

and so at night - when i am all by myself inside the kitchen when i arrived from work at 3am-- i talk to myself and always say......

" you did not lost them, they have just grown up and you have just aged"

and i also say in turn.....MI HIJOS - - - MI AMORES.

posted by infraternam meam @ 10:54 PM

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