| Wednesday, November 02, 2005
| 100 THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT WOMEN
|(An advise to men of all religion, race or creed)
**100 Girls always having something king of wrong, like headache or carmping or something. Remember: No matter how bad it sounds, she's going to outlive you.
** 99 Most women will not have sex for the first time with a guy unless their legs are shaved. If your date shows up and you spot stubble, she's trying to keep herself in line.
** 98 No matter how much she reassures you, if you can't get a hard-on she assumes you're not attractedto her.
** 97 Beware of your girlfriends' single party friend or gay bud. They want her to be single with them and will encourage any bad behavior as often as possible.
** 96 Jewelry. Now you always know what to get her for a last-minute gift.
** 95 The sight of you in your socks and underwear is the biggest turnoff in the world.
** 94 Never trust a girl who has no girlfriends. She does'nt get along with other women because she's either bat-shit crazy or just plain mean.
** 93 Girls who say, "I love sports!" are lying. Girls who ask you what time the game is on, without specifying which game they're talking about, are not.
** 92 A random hookup is more likely to result in pregnancy, because a woman has more sex when she's not fertile.
** 91 She still has alal the love letters and cards from her past boyfriends.
** 90 Just started dating? Women wants you to drive it it's their car.
** 89 A girl would prefer to get a $100 gift from Tiffany & Co. than a $500 gift from Fortunoff. Why? Because her friends will ask where she got it.
** 88 " If I give you my number on Friday, Tuesday and Wednesday are your best bets to score a date. Monday is too desperate, Thursday is too late."
** 87 Your female coworkers are obsessed with the fact that on average they receive less pay than male counterparts -- and the fact that they work less overtime and get pregnant is irrelevant to the discussion.
** 86 Laying a towel down over the wet spot is like putting your jacket over a mud puddle for her, you noble bastard.
** 85 A recent study reveald that natural blondes could be extinct in 200 years, so unless she's Norwegian, her towhead might be bottled.
** 84 Sixteen percent of American men have been with a prostitute -- scientific proof most women are decent in bed.
** 83 Women always want to believe what you're saying is true.
** 82 What do women really want in bed? More blankets. They get colder than men.
** 81 The threesome is not about you; it's about the two girls. If you're lucky enough to score with one with your girlfriend, enjoy sex with the other one because there's a good chance it'll end the relationship.
** 80 If women have an excuse to take a pill, they'll take it.
** 79 Never trust the woman who gives you the best blow job you've ever had.
** 78 "I hate when my boyfriend is sweaty and tries to lie down on top of me or cuddle after I've come. Wait five minutes."
** 77 The average woman kisses 79 men before getting married.
** 76 She hates your Xbox more than she lets on. Blow her off for some gaming and she'll soon stop wasting time on a dork like you.
** 75 Women who are obsessed with their dogs also like to keep their men on a short leash.
** 74 "Girls who buy their men lap dances and pretend to enjoy it are kidding themselves. They're trying to keep him happy with some controlled freedom".
** 73 Over the course of her life, a woman will use 10 men for every one she loves. If you lent her your car or helped her move and did'nt get laid, you're one of the 10.
** 72 During enmergencies, women are likely to remain calmer than men. Though it should be noted that inventing minor crises on a weekly basis gives them more practice.
** 71 "Women grow hairs in a lot of the same places that men do -- lower abdomen, nipples -- we just get rid of them".
** 70 Unless they're lesbians, she won't approve of you hanging out with other girls. Even if they're ugly. And really, even if they're lesbians.
** 69 If you have something to hide, she'll find it.
** 68 Eighty-five: The number of males per 100 females in Gary, Indiana, lowest male-to-female ration of any city with a populatiuon of 100,000 plus. The highest male-to-female ratio is in Salinas, California: 114 males for every 100 females.
** 67 Kiss her before two dates have gone by or you'll be "Friended".
** 66 They can't live without tensions. Every once in a while, she's gonna pick a fight with you for no reason. Accept this as a running, inevitable theme and your relationship will make a lot more sense.
** 65 The most painless way to end an argument: LETT HER WIN.
** 64 An online dating sevices's survey found that a woman's ideal man has brown hair and blue eyes.
** 63 In the U.S., 21 percent of women ages 18 to 59 hold out for their honeymoon.
** 62 A British study claims a woman's chances of getting married drop by 40 percent for every 16-point rise in her IQ. The same increase in IQ for a man boosted his chances of getting married by 35 percent.
** 61 When a woman often cite manhandling of breasts as the biggest foreplay faux pas.
** 60 When a woman tells you her problems, she does not want you to offer solution.
** 59 "When I'm drunk, I can't come. Not even with a vibrator".
** 58 If they're going to do it, most wives cheat between the ages of 18 and 29.
** 57 Most women think they're better drivers that they are. Don't point this out while shes' at the wheel or she'll freak and crash.
** 56 Women ingest about half the lipstick they apply, which means they eat approximately one to three sticks per year.
** 55 The best looking women often possess the least self-confidence.
** 54 A woman might say she just wants sex, but sleep with her for a while and she'll change her tune. "I've known so many women who think they can pull this off, but they always develop feeling for the guy".
** 53 According to the American Association of Facial Plastic and Reconstruction Surgery, Angelina Jolie's lips were the most requested celebrity feature among all female patients in 2004.
** 52 Despite always complimenting another women's short haircut, she secretly celbrates having one less competitor, since men prefer long hair.
** 51 Don't call her "cute" in her mind it's the same as "Not vomit-inducing". "Sexy", OK. "Hot", yes. "Fucking awesome", only if she's at least slightly buzzed.
** 50 Women often buy shoes a size or two small because they're in denial about the size of their feet - which they can't stand.
** 49 They dream of one day peeing in a urinal.
** 48 Women know where they stand lookswise but worry about being considered cool, about which they're unsure.
** 47 According to U.S. Bureau of Statistics, 23 percent fo 18 to 34 year old women live with their parents, versus 31 percent of you losers.
** 46 Women want to talk dirty, but they're afraid you won't respect them in the morning. Reassure her that letting go in bed doe'snt make her less calssy and she'll probably go wild.
** 45 Twenty three percent of this magazine's readers are women.
** 44 A psycho jealous girl will do anything to keep her man -- including anal.
** 43 About 40 percent of women still call their father Daddy.
** 42 The only way girls who don't know each other can start a conversation and signal that they're nonthreatening is to compliment one abother's clothes, shoes, jewelry, or hair. To become BFF, a common enemy is needed.
** 41 If she suddenly cuts her hair short, it might mean she no longer cares what you think of her. But that does'nt mean she does'nt care about someone else's opinion.
** 40 About half of all brides will lose a good friend over a ridiculous bridesmaid squabble.
** 39 It never hurts to say you're sorry, even if you don't mean it.
** 38 Let her eat you at something once in a while -- poker, chess, pingpong -- and she'll more likely to give you what you want, like some peace and quiteness.
** 37 Women' public bathrooms are about three times more disgusting than men's.
** 36 "At one point or another, I've gone through your things looking for any evidence from past relationships. I'm talking photographs, postcards, ementos, address books, diaries. If you don't like it, get rid of this stuff before letting me in your apartment. It's not about trust; it's about curiosity, and it drives us all carzy till it's been satiated."
** 35 Like you, girls hate nothing more than a clingy partner who needs them every eight seconds.
** 34 Chick rock strikes a deeply primal chord inside women while simultaneously revolting men. Just let her sing.
** 33 The average woman owns eight bras and wears each one five times before washing.
** 32 Girls will not sit on any toilet outside their own home or a five star hotl. Everywhere else they're hovering above the toilet in a squat.
** 31 Got a new girl coming over? Your (tidy) bathroom should include clean linen, a box of puff plus, and severl full rolls of TP.
** 30 "Don't caress our faces while we're kissing, unless you really, really, really like us".
** 29 On a first date, women never order what they want to eat.
** 28 Breast augmentation surgery has rwon by 257 percent since 1997. The most popula size is C-cup. As if you didn't know.
** 27 Gain her trust when you're out by calling her at 10 P.M. She'll go to bed content you're thinking of her, even if you're slurping Jell-O shots off some skank's cleavage.
** 26 Put down the Drakkar and grab a box of Good & Plenty. Women are turned on by the scent of black licorice.
** 25 At least one of her friends wants to sleep with you.
** 24 A good but flawed man is fixer-upper gem, and women love nothing more than home improvements.
** 23 Every woman is self-conscious about her ass. Tell her you love her ass and you'll see it more often.
** 22 If you want more sex, tell your girl an attractive woman hit on you that day. Sixty percent of the time, it works every time.
** 21 More than half of surveyed females between 18 and 25 would prefer to be run over by a truck than be fat.
** 20 All women think they're smarter than their partners in some significant way.
** 19 The more piercing she has, the more places she'll let you put it
** 18 Once in a while, let her pick the movie and don't complain about it.
** 17 Any good woman will tell ya, honesty is not always the best policy.
** 16 Chicks aren't afraid to get kinky, you just have to have the nerve to ask.
** 15 Girls dont want to date doomats. So make her proud and refuse to give up bowling night with the guys.
** 14 Don't take a woman to a concert you really want to see -- she'll just want to leae early.
** 13 "Women appreciate a big penis, but having one does'nt give you an excuse to suck at foreplay".
** 12 Studies show women are more attrracted to "macho" guys near ovulation. The rest of the month, they're drwan to "good providers", otherwise known as chumps.
** 11 She likes one of your friends.
** 10 Ugly girls like to hang out with pretty girls because itmakes them feel like they're more attrractive. Pretty girls hang out with ugly girls for the same reason.
** 09 The minute she decides she's even mildly interested in you, she starts making mental pictures of what you kids would look like and imagining her first name with your last.
** 08 Sixty percent of women in the U.S. color their hair, according to L'Oreal.
** 07 Datea a striper? Keep your mouth shut, stupid.
** 06 Female serila killers tend to use poison rather than guns and knives.
** 05 Rub a sheet of medium grade sandpaper across your face. That's five o'clock shadow when you kiss her. Now rub that sandpaper on your inner thigh.
** 04 Foghat's "slow ride" is not about a trip in the car. Get the hint?
** 03 The one breakup line she'll never be able to argue you out of . "I'm sorry, but I nolonger have feelings for you".
** 02 Buying a present for your girl? She'll hate it (and you) if she finds out you took along another woman to help pick it out.
** 01 You'll probably never know how many guyss she's slep with. The standard lie is five. Which really means about 12.
|posted by infraternam meam @ 10:34 AM