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Friday, November 19, 2004
The world is a great spinning sphere of
idiocy, a giant whirling orb of imbecility,
a huge hurtling rock of total absurdity
(from Idiotica/MAXXIMMAG)

Hankerchiefs. By all means, honk snot into a rag
and shove it in your pocket to save for later.
While you're at it, stuff some used toilet paper
into your briefcases.

Toupees. Like we can't tell you're wearing a
fucking carpet on your head.

Fuschia. Is this even a real color, or just a plot
to make everyone who say it sound gay?

Perms. Why just get your hair cut when you can
have it chemically fried to look and feel like
a poodle's butt.

Tofu. Looks like bathtub caulk and tastes like it.
If vegetarians seriously expect normal people
to convert, they've gotta get a better grub.

Studying Latin. What part of the "dead language"
don't you understand, professor?

Birds as Pets. If we wanted loud, non stop
chirping around here, we'd just get married.

Michael Jackson's 11th Plastic Surgery.
Some say it was better than the 10th--
if you go for that "a cougar mauled my face"look.

The Tie. There's gotta be a better way to signify
that you're a mature professional than by cutting
off your air supply for eight hours a day work.

Anniversaries. We can think of no better way to
ruin the memory of a special event than by
artificially commerating it every year-- except for
being treated like assholes if we forgot.

Breast Reduction Surgery. Tell you what ladies, if
those beauties are hurting your backs, we'll gladly
help you carry them around.

Monogamy. You can't expect a billion sperm to all
fall for the same girl.

Sit-Ups. Before masochistic Spartan invented this
torture, nobody knew we had abs, so they damn well
did'nt expect us to have them.

Soft Core Porn. Low budget erotica with no penetration?
We might as be watching General Hospital.

Bathroom Hand Dryers. Step 3; Rub hands briskly under
nozzles. Step 4; Wipe hands on pants.

posted by infraternam meam @ 3:51 AM  
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Name: infraternam meam
Home: Chicago, United States
About Me: I am now at the prime of my life and have been married for the past 25 years. Sickly at times, but wants to see the elixir vita, so that I will be able to see my grandchildren from my two boys.
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