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IN FRATERNAM MEAM
Tuesday, May 25, 2004
THE NERVE PAIN THAT WILL NOT GO AWAY
i was not able to post any blog for a long time, i am having a hard time with this stupid illness that i got, (STN) SEVERE MANDIVULAR NEURALGIA, this is a very painful illness. i dont recommend it to anybody. i have to take codeine at night and the other tablet that i am taking is for Ephileptic seizure. my neurologist said i might have a seizure if i dont take the medicine. when i am in pain, as i am right now while i enter this blog, i wanted to jump out of the window. my two boys is always telling me that this will go away. but the pain is unbearable. i will see my doctor again this afternoon, i have to ask him to increase the dosage of my medicine. if i dont enter anything in my blog, it is because i am incapacitated.

THE OTHER PAIN THAT I HAVE is when my younger sister called me from the pinas. my younger brother has CANCER OF THE ESOPHAGIAL TRACT. he isnow at the Asia Hospital and i was told that the esophagus is badly swollen. he might have been a wayward kid when he was growing up, but the pain of knowing that he has cancer is also a part now of the cross that all of us in the family has to carry. we don't know yet if removing the tumor will make him better, but there is no medicine known to cure it, except removing it. out worry is when it gets remove it will spread to some other parts of the body.

if pain is God's test, maybe HE is a masochist. why does pain a constant part of the christian religion, why does pain a part of our life, why does pain becomes an unbearable thing to those who already have so much pain, in their hearts and in their soul.

CAN I ASK GOD WHY..... HOW WILL I GET AN ANSWER.... HOW WILL I GET A SIGN....WHO WILL EASE ALL THIS BURDEN OF PAIN THAT I AM IN RIGHT NOW.

i am in tears doing this blog, because my wife said tears is good, all men cry also, i have to cry, i have to shed my tears, my kid brother will leave behind two kids and myself, everytime i am in pain.... i am all alone. i am all alone in this big house... alone with my dog.

IS LIFE TO BE THIS CRUEL. IF NOT WITH MY WIFE...I WAS THINKING OF ENDING THIS UNBEARABLE PAIN IN MY OWN TERMS NOW.

i have to stop....i have wet the entire keyboard of my computer. i have to yell.... i have to scream.... i need somebody to cry on but where is everybody. i dont need this big house when during the day and during the suffering, i am all by myself.
posted by infraternam meam @ 11:28 AM  
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Name: infraternam meam
Home: Chicago, United States
About Me: I am now at the prime of my life and have been married for the past 25 years. Sickly at times, but wants to see the elixir vita, so that I will be able to see my grandchildren from my two boys.
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