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Wednesday, October 11, 2006
ULTIMATE BETRAYAL: Recognizing, Uncovering, and Dealing With Infidelity
The following are questions that you should ask yourself to assess the way your mate has been acting. When reading these questions, note that some are relevant only if you live togehter; some, only if you have separate residences.

/_/ Does your mate have some new acitvity that occurs on the same night every week, and to which you are not invited?

/_/ Has he started excluding you from activities that the two of you used to share?

/_/ Does he mention people you've never heard of and claim that they were all together somewhere?

/_/ Does he answer you promptly when you ask where he's been, or does he hesitate before replying?

/_/ Does he return home smelling cleaner than he did when he left? Or, conversely, does he jump into the shower immediately after walking through the front door?

/_/ Does he carry an extra set of clothing with him whenever he goes? (Pay particular attention to extra underwear).

/_/ Has he suddenly begun doing his own laundry?

/-/ Have you begun to notice articles of his clothing missing, especially underwear or T-shirts?

/_/ Does he keep coloogne in his car?

/_/ Has he suddenly begun carrying gum or breath mints with him?

/_/ Does he come up with silly reasons as to why he can't wear his wedding band - it's too tight, it will get dirty, it's too expensive, or he doesn't want to damage it? Does he claim to have lost his band altogther?

/_/ Are you no longer permitted to open up his mail?

/_/ Does he suddenly have new possessions that you know he did not have the money ot buy?

/_/ Is he expreiencing a sudden, unexplained interest in getting in shape, going to the gym, or changing his hairstyle and general appearance?

/_/ Has he begun washing his car more frequently?

/_/ Has he insisted on putting a business telephone line in your home - one to which only he has access and that rings with unusual frequency durng nonbusiness hours?

/_/ Has he started leaving his cellular telephone or pager in his car at night?

/_/ Is his cellualr telephone address book or call log locked?

/_/ If he answers the telephone in front of you, does he quickly leave the room and speak in hused tones or cryptic sentences?

/_/ Does he hang up the telephone or switch computer screens as soon as you walk into the room?

/_/ Does it take him more than a moment or two to respond when you ask him who he was talking to on the telephone?

/_/ Has he been taking an unusually long time to return your pages?

/_/ When you call him, does he know it's you within a moment or two of hearing your voice, or does he seem confused?

/_/ Do you get an inordiante number of hang-ups on your telephone?

/_/ Has he recently acquired a phone card?

/_/ Have you ever seen either his home or cellular phone bill, or does he make sure that you never get near it?

/_/ Does he constantly erase the telephone numners on his caller ID box or otherwise prevent you from accessing the last telephone number dialed?

/_/ Does he contanlty check his voicemail or e-mail messages?

/_/ Has he recently changed his compiter password or any other entry code for no apparent reason?

/_/ Has he begun deleting his computer history or other records that would show the websites he's visited?

/_/ Has he set up a new e-mail account using a totally different ID of which you were not informed?

/_/ Has your home computer been receiving an abundance of spam from online dating or porn sites?

/_/ Is his glove compartment locked?

/_/ Has he begun to pick petty fights with you, after which he storms out of the house, remainign away for extended periods of time?

/_/ Does he have an unusual number of female friends?

/_/ Is hi ex-girlfriend or ex-wife among his female friends?

/_/ Does his ex-grilfriend or ex-wife still not have a new boyfriend of husband of her own?

/_/ Do his friends act uncomfortable or weird around you?

/_/ Do several of his friends cheat on their wives and girlfriends?

/_/ Do you suddently find the need to adjust the passenger seat in his car every time you get in?

/_/ Does he work more overtime, but still never have any money?

/_/ Is he extremely suspicious of you, or does he often accuse you of cheating on him for no apprarent reason?

/_/ Does he suddenly seem uninterested in sex, or, conversely, is he suddenly interested in exprimenting with new sexual techniques?

/_/ Does he have an unusual number of "stalkers" or ex-girlfriends who just won't leave him alone?

/_/ When you leave items at his home, are they still there when you return, or are they buried behind the clothes in his closet?

/_/ Are the photos of you in the same place they've always been in his house, care , or office?

/_/ Does he always blame the appearance of strange items in his house or car on some phantom?

/_/ Does he discourage you from stopping by his house unannounced?

/_/ When you do stop by unannounced, how long does it take him to answer the door?

/_/ Does he offer pathetic reasons why he can't spend the night at your place?

/_/ Does he have even more pathetic reasons why you can't spend the night at his?

/_/ Does he call you at work or when you're away simply to see when you'll be home, but at the same time fail to show interest in having a conversation with you?

/_/ Does he call you at work or when you're away simply to see when you'll be home, but at the same time fail to show interest in having a conversation with you?

/_/ Does he seem overly restless or unsettled while at home or at your place?

/_/ Did he give you only a pager or cellular phone number, and not his home phone number?

/_/ Does he unplug his telephone, refuse to answer it, or turn off the ringer altoghether when you are around?

/_/ Has he forbidden you from answering his telephone?

/_/ Dpes he keep the volume on his answering machine turned all the way down when you're around?

/_/ Does he no longer call you after a certain time each day or on weekends?

/_/ Does he fail to answer his telephone for extended periods of time, and later claim that he had fallen asleep and didnot hear it ringing, or that the phone had been turned off becaue the battery was charging?

/_/ Have you ever met his mother, or has he neglected to introduce the two of you?

/_/ Has his mother been calling you by someone else's name?

If you have answered "yes" to more than a hadful of these questions, you might already be in serious trouble.

Although there may be valid, legitimate reasons for your mate to have exhibited some of these behaviours, you should still make an effort to recognize and note them as they occur.

Consider, too, if your mate has begun to criticize you in areas that never before presented a problem. Perhaps he is making negative comments regarding your hair, weight, style of dress, or level of education. Suddenly it may appear that nothing you do pleases him - that everything about you is wrong. While you should not take these comments personally, you should consider if he might be compairing you to a new love interest.

A red flag may also come in the form of sudden, excessive gifts given for no apparent reason, or sickeningly sweet notes and messages left on your voicemail. Sometimes, these are signs that he is feeling guilty about what he has been up to. Now, I know you should not look a gift horse in the mouth, but it might be time to follow that horse out into the pasture and see what he's been up to!!

(Source: Abstracted from the book: ULTIMATE BETRAYAL by: Danine Manette - a Social Welfare from the University of California at Berkeley, and went on to earn her doctorate from Hastings College of Law in San Francisco, Calif. She has been a therapist and a juvenile probation officer and currentlyu works in the specialized field of criminal investigations.A married mother of three).
posted by infraternam meam @ 4:23 PM  
  • At 9:27 PM, Blogger Sidney said…

    “Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.”
    -Albert Einstein-

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Name: infraternam meam
Home: Chicago, United States
About Me: I am now at the prime of my life and have been married for the past 25 years. Sickly at times, but wants to see the elixir vita, so that I will be able to see my grandchildren from my two boys.
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