| Saturday, February 26, 2005 |
| CIRCUS MAXIMUS |
SHORT NEWS WORTH READING AND
INTERESTING TO KNOW
RUSSIA
A well-known female boxer and her coach
consumated their wedding vows by climbing
into a ring and sparring each other.
The couple, who called the fight
"Symbolic", haven't yet set up a rematch
in divorce court.
WASHINGTON
After running naked through a Spokance
Denny's at 5 a.m., three streakers
were stranded in 20-degree weather because
their car had been stolen-- with all their
clothes in it. The trio left the vehicle
running for a quick getaway, a fact noted
by a car thieF eating at Denny's. Police
nabbed the asses hiding behind parked cars
but did'nt charge them.
ARGENTINA
A 22-year old man was attacked by lion
at the Buenos Aires Zoo after he leapt
into its enclosure and waved his jacket at
the irritated beasts. Sadly, alert keepers
shot the pawing lion with a tranquilizer
dart before the matador wannabe was seriously
injured.
ENGLAND
The owner of a Manchester pub turned the empty
lot next to his bar into a cemetery for his
patrons. Drunks plunked down beer money in
return for their very own plot,
with one begging buddies to get tanked on
his grave every Friday night.
GERMANY
Ten teachers at a Luneburg school were taken to
the hospital after gorging on a pot-laced
chocolate cake this student left in their break
room. Reports that the Krauts also spread cake
all over their faces and chest went unconfirmed.
CHINA
Pagent Finalists Enhanced to be a cut above
A 22-year old student took top honors in the
Commie country's first-ever beautry pageant
featuring only contestants who had undergone plastic
surgery. Feng Qian of Jilin sported a teal
bathing suit to match her re-designed cheeks and
eyelids and took home a $6,000 country club
membership as a proof that the work was worth it.
The man-made looker edged out 19 other finalists
including such tough competition as a 62-year old
retiree and a 21-year old who, until three years
ago was a man.
RUSSIA
A vacationing Russian couple tried to save some
rubles by hiding their three year old daugther
in a suitcase,but their frugal plan was discovered
when the bag was stolen. After arriving at a
Moscow train station, the girl's parents passed the
downtime with a few drinkskis--which is why they
did'nt notice when the thieves ganked their progeny
hiding luggage. The perps kept the bag but ditched
the tot, who was later found wandering the streets
in search of both her lost parents and her childlike
innocence.
ITALY
Middle aged man thinks he's a pussy
A man believing himself to be a cat had to be rescued
from a tree by firefighters because he could'nt get
down after clawing his way up. Nearby shoppers called
in the rescuers after the 46-year old Milanese cat-man
spent an hour mewing for help, during which time
local children failed to lure him from the perch with
a saucer of milk. Once down, the feline freak took a
ride to a psychiatric hospital, where he presumably
underwent a barrage of tests and a neutering.
BRAZIL
South American Jailbirds watched by Jail Birds
Four prison in Sao Paolo's Paraiba Valley have begun
emplOying geese as warm-blooded alarms used to warm guards
about escaping cons. Idalecio Pereira Campos, the director
of Tremember Prison, remembered being chased by geese as a kid
and figured the fowl would make great deterrents. No inmates
have escaped since eagle-eyed geese started on the job, but the
number of old ladies tossing breadcrumbs at the prison has
dramaticaly increased.
(abstracted from MAXIMONLINE.COM/PLANET.MAXIM) |
| posted by infraternam meam @ 1:10 AM |
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Name: infraternam meam
Home: Chicago, United States
About Me: I am now at the prime of my life
and have been married for the past 25 years.
Sickly at times, but wants to see the elixir vita,
so that I will be able to see my grandchildren from my two boys.
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