IN FRATERNAM MEAM: THE WORST AND BEST OF EVERYTHING...2004

IN FRATERNAM MEAM

Friday, December 31, 2004

THE WORST AND BEST OF EVERYTHING...2004

(this is a long blog, but it's worth reading for
this New Year)

WORST CLAIM TO FAME
(from The Seattle Times)
A 10-year old boy from Montpelier, Vt.,
beat eight finalists to wint the Golden Sneaker Award--
a prize for the most rotten sneaker. The champ,
Daegan Goodman, was awarded a $500 savings bond
and assorted Odor Eater products. One judge,
George Aldrich, 48, who had conducted hundreds of smell
tests for NASA, said: " The stench stayed with me for
days. It's like a flashback." As for the winner, young
Daegan said, " I just wear 'em, seat in 'em and play sports".
**********

BEST RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE
(from The Atlanta Journal-Constitution)
What do you show a pontiff who has seen just about everything?
Pope John Paul II presided over a performance of break-dancers
who leaped, flipped and spun their bodies on the inlaid marble
floor of the Vatican Hall to beats from a boom box. The 83-year
old pontiff seemed to approve, waving his hand after each
dancer compleated a move, then applauding for the entire group.
"For this creative hard work," he said, "I bless you from my heart".
**********

BEST NEW ARTIST
(from The Washington Post)
You think Eddie, the terrier from Frasier, was talented? Another
Jack Russell, named Tillie, had her own art gallery in the
Williamsburg section of Brooklyn. The pooch's instinctive scratch
marks have drawn comparisons to abstract artists Jackson Pollock
and Cy Twombly. Owner Bowman Hastie, a 35- year old writer,
noticed Tillie pawing furiously at one of his notepads one day.
"She really had a sense of focus and determination", he says.
"I was amazed by it." Faster than you could say "Pablo Picasso,"
and artist was born. Tillie, 5, takes the canvass in her mouth
to her workspace, where she claws at it feverishly. Whatever is
left on the canvast is her final creation -- though she gets
so carried awaay sometimes, she ends up destroying her own work.
**********

WORST GOVERNMENT WAIST
( from The Times-Picayune (New Orleans)
ALouisian Democrat introduced a bill which would make it a crime to
wear low-riding pants that expose underwaer, buttocks or pubic areas.
"Louisian's line of decency starts at the waistline". said
Rep. Derricj Sheperd. "Louisian stands for decency.What sense does
it make to put our moral house in order?" Sheperd's sermonlike
speech prompted catcalls and cheeky chants from some other state
legislators, and he was the butt of several jokes as he returned
to his seat. "No crack!" shoued his colleague from Jena, Rep Tommy Wright.
**********

WORST ATTMEPT TO DAMPEN OUR SPIRITS
(from The Seattle Post-Intelligencer)
If you've noticed that your Jack Daniel's has a little less kick
these days, you're right. The famed "sippin whiskey" has lowered
the alcohol content of its flagship brand, Old No. 7 Black Label,
to 80 proof instead of 86-- and some drinkers feel betrayed. "You
can't screw with a legend like that and get away with it," said
Frank Kelly Rich, editor of Modern Drunkard Magazine. "I'm sure
Jack is spinning in his grave".
**********

BEST DREAM DATE
(from The New York Post)
A Japanese company is selling a pillow shaped like a guy, which
gives ladies a good night's cuddle without any belches or blanket
hogging. "My grandmother used to say that there is no more
comfortable pillow than a human, " said Tomoki Kakeshi, president
of Kameo Corp., the pillow's manufacturer. The invention -- a
headless torso with a stuffed arm-- sells for $100. The steep
price hasn't deterred those who want a man's touch without having
to deal with his, uh, needs. "I think it is great because this
does not betray me." said one customer.
**********

BIGGEST TURNOFF
(From the Chicago Tribune)
A new gadget that lets people turn off TVs-- anywhere, from airports
to restaurants is selling at a fast clip. "We are swamped", said the
inventor, Mitch Altman of San Francisco. The keychain fob works
like a universal remote-- but it only turns TVs off (or on)
With the sap of a button, the gizmo goes through nearly 200
infrared codes that control the power of about 1000 TV models.
Altman, 48 got the idea from TV-B-Gone while out with friends
at a restaurant. They all found themselves glued to the TV instead of
talking to one another, and no one was around to turn the TV off.
**********

BEST BET
(from the Houston Chronicle)
A British man who sold all his possessions, including his clothes,
stood in a rented tuxedo and bet, everything on a single spin of the
roulette wheel. Ashley Revell took $135,300 to Vegas and placed
it all on "red" The wheel was spun, and the crowd went wild when
the ball landed on Red 7, and Revell left with $270,600. He gave
the croupier a $600 tip and said he planned to party- and buy new
clothes. "it was really down to my friends and Mum and Dad," he said,
"I knew even if I lost, I'd always have a home to go to".
"I'm still against it," said his dad. "He shouldn't have done it.
He's a naughty boy".
**********

WORST DRINKING BUDDY
(from The Commercial Appeal (Memphis, Tenn.)
In an unusual taste test, a bear chose Rainier beer over Busch. The
black bear was found passed out on the lawn of Baker Lake Resort near
Concrete, Wash., surrounded by 36 empty beer cans. It has
gotten into the coolers of some nearby campers, who had stocked up
on both brands of beer for their trip. Fish and Wildlife Enforcement
Sgt., Bill Heinck said the bear did try one of Busch, but ignored the
rest. The beast then consumed all the camper's rainier. Wildlife agents
used a large, humane trap to capture the bear, baiting the trap with
the usual; doughnuts, honey and , in this case, cans of Rainier.
That did the trick.
"I've know them to get into cans, but nothing like this," Heinck said.
"And it defintiely had a preference".
**********

WORST WAY TO STRIKE IT RICH
(from the Autin (Texas) American-Statesman)
A longview, Texas woman came home to find crude oil covering her
floors and overflowing the toilets, bathtubs and sinks. Experts believe
that Leila LeTourneau's house was built over an abandoned well that
was not properly plugged/ "I always teased people, "does'nt everybody
in Texas have an oil derrick in the backyard?" she said.
"Then I discovered I struck oil inside the house".
**********

CORNIEST PROPOSAL
From the New York Post)
Corey Cook ignored his girlfriend's warnings not to do anything corny
if he proposed to her:He had a farmer carve the words,"Michelle
will you marry me?" into a Napoleon, Ohio, cornfield. Then he flew
his sweetheart over the field and popped the question with a ring,
"She starred giggling like a little girl on Christmas morning
and said "yes", Cook happily reported

(abstracted from the compilation from THECHICAGOTRIBUNE)

posted by infraternam meam @ 4:29 AM

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